


The Flutter of Hearts and Wings

by FangirlFiles



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Guardian Angel AU, M/M, Winged!Virgil, angel au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-05 00:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14032335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlFiles/pseuds/FangirlFiles
Summary: Roman has always longed for a life of magic. He spends his nights staring out his bedroom window, dreaming and wishing for something to give his life meaning. One night, his wish is granted in the form of a winged boy that comes crashing in through his window. It turns out that falling in love is the easy part.





	1. Chapter 1

Roman hung his arms out the window, his chin resting on the cold wood of the windowsill. The breeze chilled his bare arms, raising goosebumps and making him shiver, but he didn’t mind. It was a pleasant feeling, for the most part. He stared up at the night sky. The moon shined down on the earth, partially tucked behind grey clouds. Stars scattered the sky where the clouds parted. Looking up at the universe above him felt like he was staring into a bit of pure magic.

That’s what he wanted. It was all that he wanted, really. He didn’t fit here in this mundane world. He belonged out there in the universe where there was adventure, where there was true magic. His heart ached for the life that he knew hung in the sky just beyond his reach. He sighed and shifted his weight backwards to sit cross legged on the floor. His arms held the weight of his upper body and he let his head loll to the side to rest on his shoulder as he stared up at the stars.

This is what he did every night. He would head to his bedroom early and push open the window, letting the blue moonlight and cool air flood the space. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly as if that would put more meaning into it, and wished with everything that he had. He wished on the moon, on the clouds, and on every star he could see. He wished for a life that meant something. 

Life should be a story. That’s what he believed, anyway. Stories have their rough patches, yes, but at the end it all has meaning. The low parts give way to high points, where the world itself seems to shift into something important. His life had none of that. He had work and then he would go back home to his tiny studio apartment. Occasionally he would see friends. But none of that really seemed to mean anything. Not to him anyway. Though, Patton would say that  _ is  _ the true meaning of life.

Roman couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t good enough.

He opened his eyes, reluctantly returning to the tangible, boring world in front of him. He got to his feet, shaking out the tingling sensation that had settled into his legs. With one last glance out at the sky he grabbed the window to pull it shut, but he froze. He leaned on the windowsill with both hands, poking his head out into the cold air and looking up. One of the stars looked strange.

It was flickering and it seemed to grow, like it was coming straight toward him. He watched it, expecting it to burn up in the atmosphere like falling stars seemed to do, but that didn’t happen. The star kept coming closer and closer, heading straight for his open window. With wide eyes and a racing heart he stumbled backwards and out of it’s path. He was afraid, but somehow excited. This would be a real story, if he actually survived a star crashing into his room, anyway.

There was a flash of bright light that should have hurt his eyes, but it didn’t. He blinked a few times, readjusting his vision to the pale moonlight. When he could see again, he gasped. Standing in front of him was a winged boy that looked to be around his own age. Roman couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His hands shook at his sides.

His wings were white but they shimmered faintly with beautiful rainbows. They seemed so clean and pure, contrasted strangely by the darkness of the boy attached to them. The boy’s brown hair flopped lazily into his face. Below his eyes were dark circles. Roman couldn’t tell if they were makeup or natural tired bags. He wore black jeans and what looked like a regular hoodie with purple patches, but the hem around his waist was strange, twisted in ways that must have helped to accommodate his wings. 

The boy stood there, looking equally as surprised as Roman felt. They stared at each other for a long moment. Roman tried to think of something to say, but he was completely speechless. In his daydreams he had always handled situations like this with grace and poise, but this was real, and he was nothing of the sort. His mouth opened and closed awkwardly as he scrambled to his feet.

“Sorry, I uh, I shouldn’t have-” The boy stammered, his wings twitching and flexing, fidgeting like his fingers that tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie. “Never mind, forget that you saw me. You’re... dreaming or... something.”

“Wait!” Roman lunged forward to capture the boy’s hand as he turned back toward the window. He instantly pulled away, unsure if he should have touched him. He didn’t know the rules of meeting a… what was he? An angel? Some other mythical creature? Whatever he was, he was beautiful. Roman found his eyes traveling over the pale skin of his face. He could barely contain the massive grin of excitement that was forming on his lips.

The boy shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. “I shouldn’t have done this. Just forget you saw me, okay?”

Roman shook his head. “No, I can’t do that. Please, tell me your name?”

They stared at each other for a long time, barely blinking. After a couple of minutes, his wings folded around himself slightly and he looked away. “Fine. My name is Virgil. Sorry.”

Roman opened his mouth to reply, but Virgil moved quickly. He put a foot on the windowsill and pushed off, disappearing into the night. Roman rushed to the window to watch him leave, but he only heard the beating of wings for a second. He was gone.

He almost didn’t believe what had happened, but a single feather caught on the latch of the window was all the proof that he needed. The feather fluttered slightly in the wind as he reached out and collected it, turning it over gently in his fingertips as if the slightest pressure would cause it to disintegrate. The shaft of the feather was thick and sharp, but the rest of it was smooth and pleasant to touch. 

He moved to pull the window shut but thought otherwise. If Virgil decided to return for any reason, the way would be open for him. Roman laughed to himself, feeling like Peter Pan had come through his window chasing his shadow. There had been no fairy dust, but the excitement that was coursing through his veins made him feel enough like he was flying. He tucked the feather carefully into his nightstand drawer where it would be safe.

Magic really did exist, and he slid into bed feeling more whole than he had felt in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks passed and the exhilaration that Roman had felt had faded to a dull ache in his heart. He went about his day feeling even more painfully ordinary than ever. He had seen the magic that he so desperately craved, and yet nothing had changed. It wasn’t happening like it did in the stories. The ultimate life changing moment had happened, but his life hadn’t shifted at all. Everything was just so  _ boring _ .

He spent a lot more time at home, not willing to risk missing Virgil if he decided to come for a visit. But his friends were starting to worry. Patton had finally convinced Roman to come over for dinner. Their conversation had been pleasant, but he couldn’t ignore the pull that he felt to return home. He felt horrible about not being fully present with his friend. He zoned out, his mind returning to that night and replaying the images in his head over and over again with incredible clarity.

The visit ended with a hug and Patton spoke softly into his ear, “you know if something is wrong, you can always talk to me. Okay?”

Roman nodded back, squeezing his friend tighter as an apology. He rushed home, racing up the stairs to his apartment and dropping his keys loudly onto the counter. Hope was always high when he returned home, but he had never truly expected to see Virgil again. When that familiar voice met his ears, Roman almost sank to the floor with relief. “You know, you really shouldn’t leave windows open when you’re not home. Anyone could come in.”

“Virgil!” Roman exclaimed with excitement, but he quickly fell silent as he took in the image in front of him. He was sitting in front of the window, knees pulled up to his chest with his arms and wings both wrapped protectively around his legs. He looked tired, maybe even sad somehow. Roman walked forward and settled himself cross legged opposite the boy, leaning against the side of his bed. “Why are you here?”

His wings seemed to shiver in response as he looked away, pulling his knees in tighter to himself. “I messed up. I shouldn’t even be here again, but I figured maybe… I could fix it or something.”

Roman cocked his head in confusion, “what did you mess up?”

“You, Roman.” Virgil’s voice was flat and exhausted sounding. Roman wondered how he knew his name, but he didn’t ask. He had far too many questions as it was.

“Me?”

“You’re distracted. You’re not even trying anymore. I made everything worse.” The guilt on his face was clear, the shadow below his eyes seemed even darker.

“What are you talking about? You coming here was the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t even know anything about you… I’ve never seen anything, any _ one  _ like you before.” Roman wanted to reach out and put a comforting hand on the boy’s knee, but he remained still.

“Guardian angels are supposed to protect you, not make you want out of this life even more.”

Roman’s eyes widened and he felt his stomach twist in excitement yet again. “So you really are… oh, wow.”

Virgil shrugged and let out a quiet, breathy laugh that sounded more condescending than amused. “Yeah, wow. I guess.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, taking in the situation. Virgil seemed to slowly relax a bit. He took the end of one of his wings in his hands and began combing through it with his fingers, straightening the feathers with careful precision. Roman watched him in amazement, still shocked that this boy was somehow his guardian angel. He had always felt like something was out there taking care of him, but he had never truly believed it. Now, looking at Virgil, looking so human and yet so incredibly inhuman, he didn’t really know how to feel. He let out a deep breath and leaned his head back against the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

He had so many questions that he wanted to ask, so much rambling that he could do about how magical all of this was. Somehow though, he just felt strangely quiet and calm. The thoughts and dreams that usually ran rampant in his mind seemed to still, allowing him to just be there in the present moment. He found himself content just watching the boy in silence.

“I always liked the things you had to say, you know,” Virgil whispered. He didn’t look up, focusing completely on grooming his iridescent wings, “when you were talking to the sky.”

Roman smiled softly, his heart fluttering in his chest. “I knew someone was listening.”

“Yeah.” Virgil lazily waved a hand, “Hey.”

“So you’ve heard… everything then.” Roman reached up to tug on a loose string from his duvet, suddenly embarrassed. He had spent every night whining to the sky about his life, always wanting more, more, more. “I must have been so annoying.”

“No. You’re interesting.” He had moved to the other wing now, avoiding Roman’s eyes. Roman had imagined angels before, but never had he dreamed of one being so shy. “You want something more. I get that... But that’s not what I am.” He abandoned his grooming and made intense eye contact with Roman. “I’m not what you’re looking for. You can’t keep dwelling on this.”

“Then why did you come back?” Roman asked, refusing to back down from his intense stare.

“Because I was stupid and impulsive. I shouldn’t have done it, but this is the last you’ll see of me.” Virgil stood then, stretching his wings to their full width before relaxing them once more. “I’m not going to mess up your life again.”

“No!” Roman reached out and grabbed his sleeve, clinging tightly to it. “Please.”

Virgil frowned. There was a heavy sadness behind his eyes. Looking closer, Roman could see that they were dark brown with flecks of purple. They were mesmerizing. Virgil looked away. “No.”

“Tell me why you came here the first time,” Roman held the material of his sleeve tightly, refusing to let go without an answer. He kept asking why, but none of the answers seemed to feel right. There had to be more. He  _ needed  _ for there to be more.

Virgil’s hair fell over his eyes as he bowed his head. He seemed to shrink, but Roman couldn’t tell if it was shame, embarrassment, or something else. The tips of his wings curled slightly around himself. “I wanted to help. But I screwed it up. You need to focus on the life you have here, not the one in the clouds.”

Roman shook his head. “I can do both. I’ll focus on my life here. I’ll stop being so distracted. Just... visit sometimes.” He hated how he was begging, but he couldn’t let this magic go. He couldn’t just sit back and let Virgil disappear into the sky and never come back. He may not be as poised as he was in his daydreams, but he was just as much of a fighter as he had imagined. He wouldn’t back down.

Virgil was quiet for a long time. After a while, he turned to stare out the window. He had perked up, as if he were listening to something. “I have to go.”

“Come back again.” 

“Keep your word and we’ll see.” He broke free of Roman’s grasp and vanished out the window. Roman knelt down in front of the open window, feeling the breeze on his face. A dog barked in the distance. He wasn’t sure what to do now. Surely an angel wouldn’t lie, would he? 

He would make good on his promise. He would focus on the world in front of him, and hope that Virgil would return. The realization donned on him that for the first time, he would be making his own magic. His life would change, even if he had to force it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I don't have much else to say this time other than that I hope you are all having lovely days and if not, I hope this brightened your day just a little. Take care of yourselves!


	3. Chapter 3

After Roman had decided to focus on making his life the best that it could be, he started finding feathers. He took up the habit of going on morning walks before work and he noticed one caught on the thorns of a rose bush outside his apartment. Reading had captured his attention once more and he found a feather tucked into the pages of an old favorite fantasy book that he hadn’t read in years. He decided to take a sword fighting class for fun, to get out some of his pent up energy and aggression, and he found one nestled into his protective headgear in the gym.

Every time that he found a new one, he would smile and his heart would lurch in his chest. It had been two months and Virgil hadn’t visited him yet, but he was far from gone. Roman knew that the feathers left for him were indications that he was on the right track and that he hadn’t been forgotten. 

He found himself with a new zest for life. All of the things that he was doing were not only entertaining, but they were giving him a sense of pride that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Somehow he had gotten it into his head that he could only feel that way in a world of knights and dragons, but there he was, feeling like a badass in the real world for the first time since he was a child playing make believe.

He still left his window open every night. He would sit in front of it for a while before going to bed, telling the story of his day to the sky and knowing that somewhere out there Virgil was listening. The stars smiled down on him and he kept his promise every day.

A flutter of wings woke him and he instantly shot up in bed. “Virgil?”

“Wow, you get yourself some hobbies and suddenly you’re too tired to wait up for me. I see how it is.” He was leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed and one leg resting on his toe behind him. A lazy smirk and a raised eyebrow lit up his face. He looked better than the last time Roman had seen him. His eyes were no longer darkened with guilt, but he still looked exhausted. 

“Yeah well, I’ve been on a feather scavenger hunt.”

Virgil looked around a bit before climbing onto the edge of the bed, sitting cross legged with the tips of his wings draped off the bed behind him. He didn’t say anything, picking at the seam of his jeans. The bravado of his entrance had faded fast.

“I missed you,” Roman found himself saying. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the angel in front of him, taking in every bit of the image and storing it away in his memory. It had been two months without seeing him, and he worried that it would be even longer before the next visit.

A corner of Virgil’s lips rose slightly and he let out a short exhale of a laugh. He didn’t look up from the seam of his jeans that he busied himself with. “I was around.”

“I know. How was your day?” Roman leaned back against his headboard, pulling the duvet up higher around his bare torso. The cold chilled his skin, but he was used to that feeling by now and didn’t mind. 

“My day?” Virgil looked up and cocked his head, surprise written on his face. “Uneventful, I guess. I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before.”

“‘Uneventful.’ Are you going to tell me about your life or is that some kind of top secret angel business?” Roman asked, tucking questions about uninquisitive angels away for later.

“It’s really not that interesting. I don’t really… do much.” Virgil’s wings stretched out and relaxed, fidgeting.

“You just have wings and come from who knows where and fly around guarding people, but you’re right, that’s not interesting at all,” Roman deadpanned, teasing. He should probably be more respectful of an actual angel, but he found himself drawn into Virgil’s casual nature. The other boy didn’t seem to mind.

“Humans are the interesting ones. You get to be whatever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. I just do my job all the time. Maybe that’s interesting to you now, but it gets old pretty quick.” Virgil shifted uncomfortably, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping the tips of his wings around himself to keep his balance. “I sound so cliche. Gross.”

“You don’t get to do what you want?”

Virgil looked up again, his eyebrows furrowed. “Of course not. We protect people. We can’t just take a break from that or something. Well... I’m not really the best example of that, but you know what I mean.”

“I really don’t,” Roman said quietly. He couldn’t possibly understand. He was just a human, a fact that he reminded himself of on a regular basis. If anyone’s life was uneventful, it was his. Though he would admit that his situation was improving.

“Right.” Virgil nodded slowly, gnawing on his bottom lip. “Well. I’m not the most... comforting angel around.”

“I feel pretty comfortable.” Roman leaned forward, bringing one knee up and resting an arm over it. He eyed Virgil with confusion. He had never felt uncomfortable around him, in fact he had never felt more comfortable than he did when the angel was around.

“You’re a strange exception. You want to know what it’s like for me? I’m only trusted with guarding a few people because every time I step in, I give people panic attacks.” Virgil stood abruptly and turned away. He stared out the window, out at the world that was his to protect. Roman noticed that his hoodie had been crudely cut in slits beneath his wings, and zippers had been sewed onto it with jagged, criss crossing stitches. He reached out and fiddled with the latch of the window as he spoke.  “So they give me the low risk ones, the ones that I will probably never have to actually do anything with. Which is stupid for a number of reasons, but whatever.”

Roman was taken aback. He didn’t understand how this beautiful angel could give people panic attacks. He was shy and sweet, and he was just doing his job. Wasn’t he? He was a bit sarcastic, as Roman was learning, but he was kind. “I don’t know how all of that works, but… I feel safe here. So, I think you’re doing your job well. If that means anything.”

Virgil’s shoulders lifted in a shrug and his wings stretched and shivered. “This is weird. You’re the first human that I’ve really… had a conversation with.”

“Well, you’re the first angel that I’ve had a conversation with, so I guess we’re even.” Roman grinned. “Okay, different question. Are all angels rocking the emo look, or is it just you?”

Virgil snorted and immediately brought a hand up to cover his mouth as if it never happened. “Uh, yeah that’s just me. I like it.”

Roman opened his mouth to say more, but Virgil was looking out the window again. He frowned and asked, “You’re going to have to leave soon aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Come back tomorrow.” Roman wanted so desperately for him to stay. He wanted to sit and talk with him for hours, asking him every question that he could think of, but it wasn’t possible, not when he had people other than Roman to look out for. He felt a twinge of jealousy but he immediately pushed it away. It wouldn’t be right to keep this magic to himself.

“Maybe. Keep your promise?” Virgil asked. He had one foot on the windowsill, ready to fly.

“I will.” Roman watched as he nodded and then disappeared through the window. He sighed and sank further into bed, pulling the duvet over his head. His life had changed for the better, that was clear, but the one thing that he wanted to stay, couldn’t. The room felt more quiet than ever as he listened to the breeze rustling the trees outside, pretending that it was the soft rustle of feathers.

He was falling for an angel, he realized, and there was nothing he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another part already up! This story is practically writing itself. I'm telling you guys, it's in my head all the time. Which may not be the best thing seeing as it's finals week at my college buuuut oh well haha. I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying this story so far, it is so special to me. Love you all! <3


	4. Chapter 4

Virgil’s visits became a nightly routine after that. Roman never knew when he would arrive, and often he was already asleep by the time the angel came in through the window. He would awaken to the gentle shifting of the bed as Virgil quietly settled himself cross legged on top of it, despite having tried his hardest to stay awake.

Tonight, Roman had fallen asleep reading a book. His eyes slowly drifted open, instantly squeezing shut again when the light of his bedside lamp hit him. He squinted one eye, trying desperately to read the digital clock in front of him. 2:37am. The rustle of paper startled him and he rolled over to see Virgil staring down at his book with a look of intense concentration on his face. Roman breathed a sigh of relief and mumbled, “Virgil, you scared me.”

“I told you, I tend to do that.” He closed the book and reached over Roman’s chest to carefully place it on the nightstand.

Roman’s eyes widened as the angel hovered above him for a moment before settling back cross legged on the bed. It was the closest that they had ever been, and Roman found himself distracted by the rainbow shine of his wings and the scent of salt water that radiated from him. “You smell like the ocean.”

“I’m not surprised. I was just there.” There was amusement in Virgil’s tone, as there usually was whenever Roman was first waking up. He seemed to enjoy the unfiltered ramblings that would come out of his mouth.

“Of course. You just casually have a fly by the ocean and then come hang out with me. Totally normal.” Roman pushed himself up into a sitting position and rubbed at his eyes, scattering stars in his vision and forcing himself to wake up more.

“There’s a lighthouse off the coast that I like to visit. I go there when I need to think.”

Roman pulled a pillow into his lap and rested his elbows on it, finally feeling awake enough to comprehend what Virgil was saying to him. “What were you thinking about?”

Virgil shrugged, falling silent. His shoulders and wings both drooped lower than usual and he looked completely exhausted.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Roman began. “But you can if you want to. Super secret angel business or not, I won’t tell anyone.”

The silence continued for a while longer and Roman was about to change the subject when Virgil leaned forward and let himself fall face first against the free pillow beside him. He shoved his arms beneath the pillow and let one wing drape over the edge of the bed, the other tucked close into his side. “Turn off the light.”

Roman was stunned for a moment by his dramatics before he complied with the request. He reached over and clicked the lamp off, plunging them both into darkness. The moon was tucked behind the clouds tonight and the only light came from a power strip beside his bed, sending the outline of Virgil’s feathers onto the ceiling. Roman blinked, waiting for his eyes to adjust. He nestled further down into the duvet, placing his pillow behind his head again and staring up at the shadows above him.

When Virgil spoke again, his voice was muffled by the pillow. “I used to worry about you a lot, you know.”

Roman wasn’t sure what to say, but he understood now why he wanted the light off. He quickly realized that a response wasn’t what Virgil was looking for as he continued.

“They let me guard the people that they deem ‘low risk’, but that just means people that don’t go out looking for trouble. People who stay inside, where it’s safe.” The bed shifted as Virgil rolled onto his side, and Roman watched as the shadow on the ceiling changed to show both of his wings hanging off the side of the bed. “But I don’t think that really means anything.”

Roman rolled over as well, trying desperately to watch Virgil’s eyes as he spoke, but his vision hadn’t adjusted yet and he could only make out the faint outlines of his face and his hands that curled under his chin.

“You always wanted out of your life, and I could only sit there and listen while you wished on stars. Angels can keep you from harm, most of the time, but not even we can change your thoughts.” For a few minutes, only the sound of their soft breathing filled the room, interrupted occasionally by the sound of a car passing by outside. “Too many people think like that.”

“I just wanted a different life,” Roman whispered, his voice suddenly feeling far too loud. “But that’s changed now, because of you.”

Virgil hummed, not sounding entirely convinced but accepting it for the time being. “This is different. I don’t do…  _ this  _ with other people.”

Roman wanted to do something. He wanted to reach out and take Virgil’s hands in his. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and pull him close. He wanted to take away the sadness in his voice and replace it with something else, something better. He placed a hand between them on the bed, allowing that to be enough. “Yeah, maybe it is a bit different.”

He was surprised when he heard the rustle of fabric and felt Virgil’s fingertips come to rest over his own. They stayed that way for a while, both unwilling to break the moment. Roman wanted to keep it forever, to memorize every single thing about it. The coldness of Virgil’s fingertips, the rhythmic breathing sounding in his ears, and the pale outline of the angel’s body silhouetted against the soft light behind him. His heart raced, torn between moving to capture Virgil’s entire hand in his and not wanting to ruin the magic. Before he could decide, the moment was gone.

Virgil pulled away and sat up. He had to leave again. He always had to leave. “Tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here,” Roman smiled sadly, wishing that he could stay just once but knowing that it was a hopeless dream. He watched as Virgil moved to the window, hesitating for a heartbeat before vanishing out into the night sky.

Roman’s hand still rested where it had been, and he could feel the remnants of Virgil’s touch. He groaned and rolled over onto the other side of the bed, still warm where his angel had been laying. He shoved his face into the pillow just as Virgil had done, knowing that more sleep was not going to come easy tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or are things getting cute in here??? Aaah my lovely ship. I hope you guys got some good feels from this chapter! I know I certainly did while writing it haha. Let me know what you think if you'd like, and as always, thank you SO much for reading! I'm glad to see how many people are enjoying this story.

**Author's Note:**

> What is this? A new story? When I already have two in progress stories??? Yes. And I am still working on all of them, promise! 
> 
> This story is entirely self indulgent. I first wrote out this idea ages ago, based off of my younger self who used to stare out the window and long for a life that meant something. I have grown and learned a lot since those days, but I am still weak for dreaming of angels and magic when I look up at the stars. This story is written entirely for me, and I will write it for as long as it still makes me happy. Honestly, no guarantees that I will finish it, but the whole idea is already planned out so maybe I will. We will see!
> 
> Either way, I do hope that you enjoyed this part!! Thank you so much for reading. <3


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